Mom gets annoyed when husband with same job refuses to try flexible working to take kids to swimming lessons at 3 PM: 'No one else can take you'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Jun 23, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

Parenting is rarely a job with a 50/50 balance.

Those who co-parent with a partner or ex often find that there are times when the workload falls more on them, and that can be for any number of reasons. Maybe the other parent is sick, has some kind of social engagement, or needs to do some work. There is a whole list of excuses that some parents feel entitled to use as a get out of jail free card, and sometimes they have more of a right to do this than others.

Naturally, this can leave the parent who has to take on the childcare in their absence feeling like managing their own schedules is going unappreciated. Good parenting is all about teamwork, and if one of the adults involved is not pulling their weight, resentments are inevitably going to arise. 

The reality is that being an involved parent, especially in the earlier years of life, requires some level of sacrifice that means other things cannot always be prioritized. It is unfair that the world doesn't always take into consideration how parenting duties fit alongside other ones, but a responsible mom or dad does their best to work around that.

 

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  • A representation of a mom on her cellphone sits on a couch, working on her laptop as two kids try to get her attention on either side of her
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a mom on her cellphone sits on a couch, working on her laptop as two kids try to get her attention on either side of her

  • A working mom whose husband had the same job at a different company was beginning to get annoyed at the assumption that she would always be in charge of taking their kids to their weekday activities. She had to leave work early a couple of times a week to transport them to these, and when she was away from home, they were not able to go because her husband claimed that he could not get out of work.

    She felt that his dedication to the workday was unnecessary, as she believed he also had the option to be flexible and help her with these parenting duties during the week. She wasn't sure if she was being unreasonable. 

  • Am I wrong for wanting my husband to be more flexible with work for childcare?

    Very open to being told ITAH, just looking for a third party view. My (39F) husband (38M) and I both do the same job at different companies. Both at the same level, both in the same equivalent department and our salaries are the same give or take £1K. Whilst both jobs are technically 9-5 office jobs, we are required to work the hours the job
    via Chillinrice
  • demands. At our level of seniority, that works both ways. We're required to put in the hours, but we're equally granted flexibility as long as we get the work done.
    via Chillinrice
  • Slight background, I was on maternity during CO ID, so my husband never had to juggle working from home and kids. He has therefore stayed very rigid with when he "should" be working whereas I feel a lot of parents have become a bit more flexible with hours, taking time off through the day when needed and making it up at night.
    via Chillinrice
  • 2 days a week, I have flexible working to finish at 3pm and get the children (6 and 8)from school. I then take them to various activities after school including swimming lessons. The swimming day in particular is very challenging (rushed timings, picking up another kid and rushing to another activity after with
    via Chillinrice
  • one kid eating dinner in the car). I really hate it and dread the day but it's important our children learn to swim. As a result of me taking them to classes through the week, our weekends are clear of activities, unlike some families whose weekend are all about taxi-ing kids here and there.
    via Chillinrice
  • My husband knows I hate the swimming routine and always am exhausted by it. I spoke to him recently about how it would be nice if once in a while he took a turn or helped and he said he can't, he's working. Fair enough (ish, I still think once in while wouldn't k I him). Now with my job, there are
    via Chillinrice
  • rare occasions where I need to travel or be at events and I may be away on the swimming day (we're talking 1 in 8-10 sessions) and what annoys me is, the weeks I'm away, the kids just don't go to swimming. It's one thing to not help the days I'm here (albeit I'd still like him to offer) but the weeks I'm away, he
    via Chillinrice
  • won't step in and it just doesn't get done under the banner of working. Similarly, anything such as a visit day to the school, a sports day etc, he would never go because "he's working" - doing the same job as me, who always shows up.
    via Chillinrice
  • Tonight, I mentioned that this week I am at a work event that runs past swimming time and said to my children they'd miss swimming this week. They asked why and I said mummy is at a work thing and no one else takes you. My husband then cut across me and said "no one else CAN take you". This
    via Chillinrice
  • has really annoyed me as yes, he CAN take them, he just chooses not to. Granted he can't commit to take them every week like I can, but given the flexibility we have in our jobs and the amount of nights he works on his laptop anyway, I feel he could step up to take our kids to an activity in work time very rarely and make up the time later.
    via Chillinrice
  • Because we are opposed on the point, really appreciate feedback and honestly it's ok if you think I'm being unreasonable.
    via Chillinrice
  • A representation of a mom holding glasses and shrugging while sitting on a couch, with two kids on either side of her
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A representation of a mom holding glasses and shrugging while sitting on a couch, with two kids on either side of her

  • Agreeable Guitar3201 Nta.. he just doesn't want to put in the effort.
    via Agreeable_Guitar3201
  • Bubbly_Following 7930 nta and he needs to make his own children more of a priority. Never going to a school meeting or event? Way to dump all the work on you. I seriously don't his job can never accommodate a flexible schedule.
    via Bubbly_Following7930
  • Similar_Corner8081 NTA He seems to be very comfortable letting you do it all while you also work.
    via Similar_Corner8081
  • Bearliz NTA. He's living yo work not working to live. Kids grow up fast and they remember who did what for them. Years from now it will be Dad missed out on a lot for us.
    via Bearliz
  • bonniemick NTA but also stop managing him. He should know how to find whatever race schedule he needs to. Maybe he's not an AH in general but he is being a real AH about this. Next session you should switch to weekend lessons and he starts taking them to that.
    via bonniemick
  • Strict Research_1876 Why are you putting your kids in multiple activities on a day you both work. Maybe his work is not really as open about changes as yours is.
    via Strict_Research_1876

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